Mr Kitten

one more week?
to SEASONS!
omg!!?! scared shit for this!
hopefully things will go well
ive finish modern dance
but yet to finish the intro
and brushing up of steps
and the transitions of all items
and omg, SUMMER!

*screams*

im so hungry right now
i wanna go out and withdraw money
but i know that i cant!
urgh! im so hungry!
i want rice!
mums cooking and all!!!
i want chicken nuggets
sausages crabmeats and crackers!
all of em! RAWR!!!!

i wanna watch movie too!
i want a break from this tiring week!
i need to do loads of stuffs!
i dont even know what im saying now

irrits*

why am i fighting all alone in this battle
oh honey
cant you see that im totally in love with you
but why are you doing this to me?
why?

you told me you cared
but you didnt
you said youre gonna call
but you didnt
you even replied me
in your most insensitive ways
sighs

the river flows both ways
not just one way

if you dont wanna open up to me
and you feel that youre confused
yet, if lets say the truth's gonna hurt me,
i'll go honey, i'll go..

i dont think you wanna hurt me even more
when i keep chasing you and stuff
but your answers will always be
not sure
i dont know
nothing
what do you want
whats wrong with you
IM SORRY
DAMN! IM SORRY IF IM THAT DISTURBING~
i shall leave okay?
your mum's gonna be happy
you're gonna be happy
and you dont have to worry
bout opening up to me and all
dont have to worry about calling me
up before you go to sleep, to say goodnight,
like you always do back then
it hurts me when you say,
"well maybe this is me, and you have to accept it."
yeah, but this is not the person i fell in love with
if youre really thinking that way
i cant stop you,
and force you to love me like you do back then

simple said,
just be yourself
i know you wanna have all the freedom
and dont wanna suffocate so much,
so yeah, im taking my leave..

but just remember our dreams are crashed
i know
i know you had big plans for us
i do have big plans for us too
and thats why im fighting for making it happen
but like i said again,
a river flows both ways..

like you said before
if i feel upset, just write
it'll affect both my right and left side of my brain
thanks (: thank you so much.
and thats what im doing.

im actually tired of you telling me that you dont know
and your mind is blank. you will not like it,
if i do the same thing to you..
trying to understand your situation,
but youre taking me for granted,
knowing that i'll sms you most of the times..
call you when the time is right
meet you when you feel like it..
im always there, but you never were.
i dont want this to end, so bad!
but, youre not showing any effort.

i hope you'll have fun in your new life.
i wish you congrats, and yeah,
a new breeze to your new life (:
thanks for taking care of me!

still, i love you.

i am very very very sleepy
yes! i dint have much rest..
cuse ive been missing someone alot
but i was asking myself what did i actually
do this whole week cause i know that we
dint meet each other, and dont talk much
to each other.. its sad to know that im the one
that's the difficult one! always!!
even your friend said so ):
youre not like this last week!
but i dont know what suddenly changed you this week.
youre mean, rude, demanding, insensitive and egoisitic
you pushed all the blame to me
and you turn the tables on me
and yeah, you told me that im difficult all the time
who would actually want that?
i tried swallowing all this pains
and tried to give in
but every single small mistakes,
you made it sound so rude, that it turn into
sarcasm..

dont know whats your motive
dont know what change you
your friend?
just you, mentally?
i dont know
yes, tough week for you
i agree, never complain,
but its sad to know that you
can tell me "SO?" after i told you
that i dint have much sleep thinking
of you and why dint you update me and stuff
its sad to know cause now youre
becoming
more independent and thats when i start to,
and finally realize that im not important in
your life.
you cant stand me speak my mind whenever i feel sad,
who shall i turn to? sighs.
you win okay!

i dont want to restrict you in your life
and as much as i dont want to bring up the past
but this is what exactly last year around this period of time
and i can foresee that we wont celebrate the two years, happily.
as much as i want to, but youre not giving a deep thoughts about
us, cause i have been devoted and trying to make things work, but
youre just telling me to stop my attitude and such..
you told me that youre sorry and gonna make it up to it
but how sad, i dont even know why you said that at the first place
when you have no intentions of doing it

i dont think you care
even if i say all this to you
cause to you
its more to my choutings and screamings
rather than the pains that i got from you

thanks.

I GOT MY SAMSUNG PIXON12 (:
YAY!! COLLECTED IT YESTERDAY!
SYUKUR (:

ME AND THE OTHER FIVE VOGUELICIOUS MET
AT TANJONG PAGAR YESTERDAY TO COLLECT IT!
WE'RE SO EAGER TO HAVE IT IN OUR HANDS!!
AND IM EXCITED MUCH! (: THANK GOD AND EVERYONE
FOR EVERYTHING (:

AND NOPE, WE'RE NOT ENCOURAGING
JEALOUSY AND ENVY.
BUT IF YOU DO, PLEASE,
LEAVE A HATE COMMENT HERE (:
I'LL BE GLAD TO ENTERTAIN THEM! (:


PLUS! I CANT STAND YOU, FAKE ASS B****!
GET OFF MY FLOOR!
YOU UNDERSTAND ME??!
DONT USE YOUR PEOPLE FOR YOUR OWN BENEFITS!
PUH-LEESE! YOU SELFISH ONE FAKE ASS BIATCH!

urgh!

and to all,
let me present you,
with this!

TADA!!

life seems like a trap
youre trying to get out
youre looking for a cheese
cause you feel like mighty mouse

three little birds at the side of my window
and they told me i dont need to worry

you were like my lover and my bestfriend

who gives a damn about the family that you come from!

there're so much things to do
and so little time given

time goes by so slowly for those who're waiting
time goes by so quickly for those who're rushing

love of my life
my soulmate
youre my bestfriend
part of me like breathin
now half of me is left
dont know anything at all
who am i to say you love
dont know anything at all
who am i to say you need me

colour me blue
im lost in you
dont know why im still waiting

lost
intimidation with human
what shall i do?

so i held my head high
knew i'll survive
i made it
dont hate it
thats just the way it goes
ive done made it thru
stand on my own two
i paid my dues

paranoia strikes again

things which you expect to happen dont happen
things you dont expect to happen, happens!
HOW!??!

screaming of pains
i wanna get out
i wanna escape
impossible
im led to no other choices

break free,
trying to re-connect
but it seems there's no linkage
between the two here

smile even though you dont mean it

if thats okay with everyone

SHUT YOUR TRAP NOW!

impressed?

i talk with actions

my eyes are getting heavier
each time i blink

expectations are made
beyond words
words are simpler to confess
but to convert it into actions
i dont think youre capable

i can feel my soul
trying to escape
escape from all this
insecurities and sadness
escaping into a new world
a world that you'll be forever,
living in
its either heaven
or hell

my heart
to be heard

people seek different fulfillment.
just because they're not on your path,
doenst mean they have gotten lost.

modern dancers
expect so much
aiyo! so difficult.
i dont know what to talk about
cause every day is like dance
hahaha (:
so yeah.

sunday, and going to rain anytime.
what a perfect day.
im going to sleep soon!
again? hehs.
had a really bad dream!
sighs..
i hope it wont happen!

i love my boxes

OMG!! ALHAMDULILLAH!
VOGUELICIOUS WON
FOR THE SAMSUNG AMOLED DANCE OFF CONTEST (:
AND OUR VOTES ARE LIKE SO PATHETIC LAH!
HAHAHA (: SYUKUR!! WE WON A SAMSUNG PIXON12 PHONE EACH!
YAY! IVE BEEN CRAVING FOR NEW PHONE.
LOOK AT MY PHONE??! SO ANTIQUE! WITH SCOTCHTAPE SOME MORE!
HAHAHA! SYUKUR ALHAMDULILLAH!
OUR HARD WORK PAID OFF!
DANCING ON THE STREETS DEFINATELY SOUNDS FUNN!
THE EXPERIENCE WAS GREAT (:
CANT WAIT FOR THIS -



I <3 VOGUELICIOUS



AND TO YOU CHICKEN FUCKER COWARD,
"you burn bitch, i heard the story!"

its like
i dont even know
whether discipline dancers
still exist
and im talking about modern dance here

its been a looongg time since i see
jumps on the air
spins
splits
jete'
floorworks
and when im starting to feel it again
im just missing the dancers

ohmygosh!
looking for modern dancers can
be so painful!
its like theyre right there in your eyes,
but look at how stuckup they are!
ohmygoodness!
tsk tsk.
so sad to see all that happening!

im so desperate of modern dancers now!
ohmygosh
and im talking about real modern dancers
not wannabes
dont tell me you can modern dance, if you cant do a single
proper turn please!
its really painful to watch! whats more, teach!!!!!!
spare a thought for me please?!
im no wizard who can turn you into a pro dancer just by a snap!
it takes ages!
i took a year to get my pirouette right
and now, its not even perfect right!
just, acceptable!

now im starting to shake for Seasons!
ohmygosh!
left with only exactly a month(or maybe less than a month!)
and so much things to do
transitions
choreographies
costumes
props
songs
dancerssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how i wish, how i wish, i get the JC dancers with me back!
RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im on mc again today
actually from yesterday
thanks to the giddy!
now im feeling very much like izzy

ive run out of ideas
S.O.S

back from dance
and omg thank god
audition went well (:
i can see some potential dancers
but needs alot of work to do
so now im back to stress mode
but this time,
i can manage okay guys?
no worries (:

i have to thank Mei Ting
for believing in me
i'm so scared anxious excited
MIXED FEELINGS
thank you meiting
i really want this to be a success <3

i still have to look out for dancers
OKAY,
MORE TO CONTEMPORARY DANCERS PLEASE?
since secondary school days,
its always difficult to get someone who're
really interested in modern dance
sighs...
maybe its just not cool for them
but im telling you something!
once you know how to
pirouette and chaine properly
damn, i'll salute you!
not easy to find one from the blocks

SO NOW
PREPARING FOR DANCE THRU SEASONS (:
AUTUMN WINTER SPRING SUMMER <3
or whichever the cycle goes,
I NEED TO CHOREOGRAPH A FULL
15MINUTES PIECE ON SPRING (:

OMG IM EXCITED!

MUCH?

MAYBE...

to my cousins
if youre reading this

FUCK YOURSELF OKAY GUYS
FUCK YOURSELF
FUCK YOUR OWN BLOODY ASSHOLE
FOR TELLING EVERYONE THAT
I POST UP NUDE PHOTOS ONLINE
FUCK YOURSELF
SERIOUSLY
FUCK YOURSELF
YOU FUCKERS ARE COWARDS
COWARDS
I DONT FUCKING GET IT WHY YOUR FUCKING MOUTH STINKS
STINKS SO BAD THAT YOU HAVE TO DRAG MY NAME IN IT
AND MADE EVERYTHING LOOK BAD
FUCK YOUSELF
FUCK YOUR ENTIRE LIFE
I FUCKING WISH YOU ROT AND YOU NEVER HAVE THE GOOD LIFE
I FUCKING WISH THAT YOU WENT THROUGH THE SHITS I WENT THRU
BE LUCKY THAT YOUR FUCKING DAD AND MUM TREATS YOU RIGHT
YOU FUCKER, SELFISH MOTHERFUCKER!
YES IM MOTHERFUCKING ANGRY!
THANKS!

IM SO PISSED OFF THAT I WISH YOU FUCKIN' SEE ME
AND I DARE YOU TO PUNCH MY FUCKING GAY FACE

HOW DARE YOU TELL PEOPLE I POST UP OBSCENE PHOTOS OF ME
ON THE GAY WEBSITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!???!
IM NO FAMEWHORE! I DID EVERYTHING WITH SO MUCH EFFORT AND PASSION
AND YOU FUCKED UP MY TALENTS FOR SOMETHING NEGATIVE!

HOW I WISH I FUCKING PUNCH YOUR FACE BACK IN THE COLLEGE
YOU FUCKING FAKE ASS BITCHES
STUFF YOUR DICK BACK IN YOUR MOUTH!

VOGUELICIOUS
is having an audition this saturday (:
for an upcoming, exciting performance at Republic Polytechnic
on 4th of December 2009! <3 (DATE CHANGED!INSTEAD ON THE 11TH NOW ITS ON THE 4TH!!!)
this time round, not only we want guys(and gays), but we would like to have
GIRLS AS WELL (:
we need dancers who are:
Committed
Disciplined
Modest
Responible

We are also looking into all kind of genres of dance (:
be it hiphop, modern dance, cultural dance,
or cannot dance! JUST COME!
we need DANCERS WITH THE VOGUE FACTOR !!
those people whom we know,
may join in as well for this project!
its a great publicity for all!

WE'RE NOT RACIST!
so we accept all races,
even aliens (:
cause we have one alien in the group: Izzy.
so no worries, he's harmless.
the most friendliest creature!
and we wont bite!
dont be shy
and come on down to:

Venue: Bedok Interchange (sounds horrible but thats the best place we could find at the moment)
Date :    31st October 2009 (sorry! no halloween trick or treats  tricks allowed!)
Time:    12pm (NO, LATE IS NOT FASHIONABLE)
Dressing Code: Please be in proper attire and no jeans allowed! or tight pants!
                              We dont wanna see peek-a-boo underwears!

Any enquiry, please call Izzy Breezy Beautiful : 96314934
this is serious shit ladies and gentlemen!
its the moment you've been waiting for!

SEASONS! 2009
is gonna be the most wreckoning-risktaking-happenninghoohaa-DANCECONCERT EVER!!

are you up to it?
or are you just scared!?

im kinda sad, no actually very very disappointed. i just wish i could turn back time, and this didnt happen. i wish i met him but stayed
away after he cheated. uptill now, i forgive but it keeps haunting me. im sorry, it happened to mum too. too bad im not as strong as her, tho,
she still remembers her husband. yet she hold no grudges. i love my mum, but just wishing she could understand me, being a complicated child with a complex sexual orientation.

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, theyre haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have work out right
We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop

I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
But someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone




Voguelicious performing in KL maybe in Nov/Dec (:
Voguelicious performing for Seasons (OMG!)
Voguelicious competing in Dance Explosion (?HAHA)
im trying to keep the group as maintained as possible
tak suke, tolong diam, aku ade surat hijau.

so stress about work.
im so over you? no?
someone has to lose out
so let it be me.
facebook deactivated,
so that means no life.
1am and still awake
prolly you're sleeping
arent you?

i have to wake up at 6am
how bout that??!
inspection! urgh!!

XOXO

im gonna watch Love Happens
anyone?
guys or girls, i dont mind (:
 

thanks for all the damage
i think youre happy right now
destroying my happiness right madam?
well this is a challenge from God.
and i will go thru it.

i keep running away from this people
cause theyre invading my privacy
so yeah, im defeated
i lost in the war
im too weak to fight back
im helpless
im not strong
inside, but always showing a brave front
no, im not coward,
just too weak, thats all.

how i wish
saiful could understand how my heart feels
how my mum understand how my heart feels
how my friends can understand my heart feels
how public sees and understand my heart feels
how the haters crticisms affects how my heart feels
how dads' attitude made my hearts feels
oh god, i pray that you'll show me the light

take my life away before my mum

dont understand those people
who're not thankful of the great life they are living in

friends
oh gosh
how i finally realize how fake they are all this while
every single hint, i get it, but hey, i dont care
im not jealous. eww. please, get lost.
i dont need you to like my attitude.

i dont understand why everything that happened
and all the blame fell onto me
i mean, why find every little feminine side of me as the blame
and as the biggest problem that's occurring
mum, i did see the change
dont try to hide mum
yes, im sad
i know youre sad too
but ive been more sad watching you

i cried more than ever
only the walls can witness
my journal's losing its colours
its all going to black and white
this reminds me of Khair
and how he actually cheated me
i thought i hated men
but i just cant get enough

i wish i pray and i hope
that no one can ever find me again
and i wont know if im really that important in their lives
cause now, i feel so empty
its like whatever im doing,
no one seems to appreciate

i only can make people happy
doing favours for everyone
but i dont feel appreciate
like seriously
you have a mouth, you talk
but too bad the mouth is used more for bitching
rather than saying sweet things to the people
that did so much things for them

work work work
why? urgh, never ask to be in this stupid service
im being so tied down
i blame this for everything
cause its like i dont get anything good in return
everything seems so dark and gloomy!

all only find me when having fun
but when im sad, everyone run away.

im truly sad.

hey journal, can you reply to me?
please? i need you to talk?
*cries* please can you see this tears??
please, wipe it off for me.
can you hug me? please??
oh my god, please journal.

im not good being a child who's gay
im not good being a friend who does everything
im not good being a boyfriend to my own partner
im not good being a human cause every mum would tell their child not to be like me
im not good being a serviceman cause i f***ed everything up

crying extra hard*
if you think that you really care?
think again

let me do what i did best



lying on my bed
staring at the ceiling
hug my teddy bear
and cry

i bought myself MIKA and BOOTYHEELS!
okay thanks to the winning place!
yay to voguelicious!
hard work paid off yeah?
i got so much insults
and hey, prove you guys are wrong!





i think we did uber good job for the 2days competition!
and omg, the prize's very very attractive!
(: yay! alhamdulillah!
we really put our heart and soul into this and
yup, we thank God and everyone for this achievement (:
www.youtube.com/watch

and now
struggling rehearsals for dance explosion!
oh god! ):

and SAMSUNG AMOLED
please vote for us guys!!
we're like losing votes
): sadness right!
use your mum dad brother sister cousin classmate
to vote for us!!
to prepaid users, unfortunately they dont accept ):
sighs...
but please do vote!
apac.sec.samsung.com/samsungmobile/amoleddanceoff/videoGallery.aspx

your vote's important to us!!!!

do the right thing people (:

will be right back with more on
Mr Kitten (:

XOXO

i still remember this song
fuck it.
the song that you played
when we broke up

oh wells,
lets keep it that way

my privacy's invaded.
im being tied down.
unable to do things that i want.
im cooped up in my room.
no one to talk to.
true friends are hard to find.
having a soulmate doesnt
guarantee happiness.
under alot of pressure.
i think alot.
i dont sleep much these days.
my body is aching everywhere.
im having sinus most of the time.
headache especially at the back part
of the head.
peoples' assumptions
and insults = nightmares.
fake masks are essentials
to show how much you enjoy life,
when reality is, youre facing a very
tough time of your life.
you talk to your friends about
what youre going through,
they can feel bad for you,
and only can see and hear you cry, and
feel alil bit annoyed,
and feel helpless, but they dont
care.
i feel so trapped.
i cant see the light.

dad,
why?
sister,
why?
brother,
why?
mum,
i love you.

people you work with,
love or hate you,
bear with it.
but, there're lines to be drawn.
and im facing the reality of the world.
the unfairness side of the world,
every single day of my life.
who shall understand?

the people who knows you,
watches every step that
you take.
every wrong move,
they will make sure that
it'll be known.
and the right moves are
those that i called
invisible moves.
magic.
i wish i can make myself totally disappear.
i wish im a bird,
a bird, that can fly out of this trap.
fly to wherever i want to be.
fly till i reach to the highest peak.
fly beyond my expectations.
fly to please my satisfaction.

now,
im all alone
as im wishing
that i can be on one
of the beds in the hospital
where i can be treated,
both physically and mentally.
yes, i lost my mind.
but, it doesnt mean that you said you care,
it means you care.
it takes a hand and a little bit of your human touch,
to actually makes a whole difference to me.

all im saying to myself is that
i wonder how i came out with all these words
at 0445 hours.


cause this is how im feeling right now
this is my true self
welcome to my world

I can tell that you're watching me
And you're probably gonna write what you didn't see
Well I just need a little space to breathe
Can you please respect my privacy                  

                                                        
Why can't you just let me
Do the things I wanna do
I just wanna be me
I don't understand why
Would you wanna bring me down
I'm only having fun
I'm gonna live my life
Like I wanna do

I'm tired of rumors starting
I'm sick of being followed
I'm tired of people lying
Saying what they want about me
Why can't they back up off me
Why can't they let me live
I'm gonna do it my way
Take this for just what it is

now now, if you think im such a loser
that only use peoples' money for my own use,
YOURE DAMN BLOODY BLIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i work my ass off mind you!
and all the money used for the things in my room,
BOTH ARE SHARED! and i will work to top up everything again!
there's such thing call savings,
and i can save whatever amount i want and spend!
and whoever, if they share their savings with me,
we share! its all giving and taking!
AND IM NOT THAT KIND THAT ALWAYS,
TAKE TAKE TAKE!
my family maybe broken
but my mum taught me to save!
and that i learn, spend on stuffs that you think
are necessary! AND IM NOT FOR GREEDY!
if you think i am, then fine, up to you!
if i am that greedy, i'll steal everyone's money!
and i dont have to worry about not having money!
GOSH! youre sick!! please, stop judging already!
GGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESS.

i think you really gotta stop listening to yourself
and for once think of the person you own
yes, it maybe wrong, but do you know what
that person actually feel and think?
maybe that person really needs attention
from you rather than you always thinking that
its wrong.. blah blah blah..
and maybe that person is doing all this,
because that person doesnt get the right
attention from you, thats why that person
is behaving like this, which is more to the
negativity..
key word is: LISTEN!
shut up and listen!
listen to the pains
listen to the cries
listen to the problems
its hard for someone to actually come out
from her/his own comfort zone
if you yourself dont make that someone feels
comfortable.
stop thinking bad already,
its already bad, and if you keep thinking bad about it,
it may get worst, so like i said again,
LISTEN!
understand peoples' feelings
cause actually there're pains and
that person really wants you to know
that that someone needs your attention,
badly.

so im at work now
leisure park
or is it shopping centre?
dont give a damn

so damn bloody bored
but kinda loving it tho
so not interested in F1
but I WANNA GO TO THE CONCERT
HALO BEYONCE!!!

omg!
Layla went for the concert
without Isabella!!!! ):
sadnessity!
and i have to work tomorrow
sucked right!
my weekends are BURN
BURNED BURNT
"CHAO TA!"

i need to dance back
i miss dancing
omg
and also havent jalan raya also ):
sadness right!
): ): ):
thanks to work again lahh!
this cannot do that cannot do
susah hidop aku masok ns
so tied down

i miss my beary!
(: yay! <3
i love my bangles
i love bojangles
HOOHOO
i think im going crazy!
anybody wanna study maths?
text me!
bring abacus!
cause we can take out all the beads
and make it into nice necklace !
HAHAHA!

im so irrits much
anyways
i dont think a person deserves to be in a spot
where he/she dont deserve to be!
OMG! SHUT UP!

i have no appetite today
have been super sad
):
dont think the people that
i really wanna share my feelings,
can actually understand
what im going through now...
sighs..
i blame myself

i feel so suckish at work
i dont wanna speak up
but urgh, just the cold shoulders
that most of them have been giving me
IT REALLY SUCK!
i mean, where did i go wrong?
dont tell me just because i took MCs
and leaves, doesnt mean you guys have
to hate me, I STILL DO MY WORK!
im so affected by everyone
that i feel so, small,
so small that i feel like hurting myself
to think i'll be able to get through this,
but, sighs...
I JUST HATE FAKES PLEASE!

its like everywhere now.

and to the guys
i dont know how to solve this
but HELLO*
i hope that actually caught
both your attention!